Rewind: A story about a dress

Dear Everybody,

I promised in my very first post that I would one day share with you a wonderful story about a girl and her dress… and her subsequent state of undress.  Well, folks, today is that day. Here is my tell-all, which is much more humorous as a blog entry than in its original frantic email/text message form.  I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed recounting it!

Date:  October 14th, 2009.
Location:  Downtown!
Mood:  Pretty flippin’ fantastic.

It was a beautiful, crisp day in October.  I ventured out to buy some soup at 11:30, just before the Noon-2pm lunch rush that generally hits the many restaurants and cafes surrounding the office.  I was feeling particularly snazzy that day because I was wearing a clingy, head-turning black and white wrap dress that I had just purchased.  I felt confident, beautiful and happy; there was most definitely a sway in my stilettoed step that morning.

I bounced across the street because the tomato basil bisque I had been fantasizing about all day was calling my name and I was so close I could smell it!  As I took another step, the wind picked up a little and the bottom of my dress flapped up.  I grinned at my Marilyn moment.  Phew!  That was a close one! I pulled the hem down and silently congratulated myself on my ninja-quick reaction time.  Undeterred, I continued crossing the street toward my destination.

Then:  the chill.  Goosebumps.

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed the belt to the wrap dress hanging conspicuously by my side, dragging along the ground.

And I noticed that my boobs, while contained safely within my bra, still managed to scream, HEY WHAT’S UP CALIFORNIA! the way that rock stars do at concerts.

I also noticed that there were about fifteen individuals loitering on the street, and God knows how many more sitting at the windows of the aforementioned restaurants lining said street.  In that very moment, I swore that there were fifty pairs of eyes on me.  This was not the kind of head-turning I had hoped for when I bought the dress.

However, panicking was not going to help the predicament, and being embarrassed only draws unwanted attention, right?  Because I could not untangle and retie the belt right there in the middle of the street, I pulled the dress close to my body, pretended nothing was wrong, and continued on my way.  I walked another block until I arrived at my destination, where I ducked into the stairwell of the parking garage and… addressed the situation.  And then, of course, went ahead and bought my soup.  It was delicious, and dare I say, totally worth the episode.

By the way, to answer some questions I am anticipating: no, I did not charge for the peep show.  And no, I didn’t get free bisque out of it.  Not even a crouton! Not that I’m bitter or anything, but this town certainly has some high standards.

Things I learned from this experience:
(1) Check your person before leaving the office;
(2) Throw out all unsexy underthings;
(3) Use the belt loop sewn into your dress.  Triple knot that belt if you have to;
(4) Nothing gets between a girl and her lunch; and
(5) Maintain your composure.  Remember that horrible situations make great stories!

In hindsight, I should have just turned around and walked the twenty feet back to my office rather than stay the course and schlep another block whilst half-dressed… but that just makes too much sense.  Also, see Lesson 4 above.  I was a hungry woman with a plan; there was simply no time for reason or debate.

I’d like to thank the girl with the really pretty face for a very insightful conversation the previous week, which really helped me spin everything positively when The Defining Moment came.  To this day, I still don’t know how I maintained my composure, as my normal reaction would have been an immediate burning, sinking sensation before turning horribly red and breathing heavily—something like bad indigestion, or the way I feel before giving a presentation.  I am so glad that her positivity turned this into a fun story to joke about instead of an embarrassing moment to panic over and dwell upon.

Laughter is the ultimate band-aid.  Since last fall, I have become a true believer in making the best out of bad times and, at worst, turning things into a funny, memorable experience to share with friends.  Try it… I highly recommend it!

Hugs and kisses and full frontals,


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