Put your back into it (but watch your front too)

I don’t have the strongest back in the world.

I have been to chiropractors and massage therapists, all of whom work for hours stretching and adjusting my neck and back into an agreeable state. There we are, they would say after each session.  Nice and loose!  Let’s check up on you in a couple of days! Upon my return, they always seem confounded by my back’s innate ability to shrink back into its original, stiff, knotted state.  I haven’t gone to the chiropractor in five months; it was getting too expensive and it just wasn’t helping enough for me to justify the visits.  As for massages, I’m not really a fan of paying some stranger $50 to delicately paw at my back for 30 minutes.  Please, at least give me my money’s worth… use some elbow grease!  That’s not to say that I don’t enjoy massages; I just become annoyed when I pay someone to fix me and it doesn’t work.  But I digress.

Sitting at a desk and using non-ergonomical equipment doesn’t help my situation much, so I do take time to stretch and crack my back when I feel like things are getting a little tight.  Today, that moment came while a group of people stood chatting in the lobby area about six feet away.  I sat up straight in my chair, pulled my shoulders back and squeezed at my knots with my hands.  I relaxed.  Much better! I thought. Everything feels so much looser already!

That’s when I realized that EVERYTHING felt looser.  Puzzled at the sudden draftiness, I looked down at my shirt and noticed that my bra was off-kilter… only slightly so, but enough to introduce its presence at the v-neck.  Somehow, mid-stretch, I had unclasped my bra.  Yes, I possess skills that every high school boy wishes he could wield!

I managed to slink into my chair and rehook it inconspicuously (or so I hope).  I was amused, but this sort of thing happens so frequently nowadays that I was more or less unaffected by it all.  Is it good that I’ve stopped reacting to it, or just sad?

All I know is that it’s only Wednesday and I’ve already effected two pretty awkward moments in the office this week.  I wonder what Thursday and Friday will bring?


One thought on “Put your back into it (but watch your front too)

  1. 1) You gotta tell a masseusse what you want, especially if you want them to dig in. They’re used to people who are just there to relax and not get manhandled. Believe me, if you ask them, most masseusses know how to break you and put you back together.

    2) You have an awful lot of stories about the spontaneous degeneration of bras, dresses, etc. Are you sure your bosoms aren’t just yearning to be free?

    3) I see your second to last sentence is a trap to goad less wise grammar nazis into attacking your unusual (but correct) use of effect/affect divide. I will not bite :-P

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